the call.

Yesterday it happened. We got the phone call we have been hoping for for 6.5 months. We have the incredible privilege of being chosen as parents for a baby girl due on Valentine's Day. Perhaps this will be the very first year Jonathan and I actually celebrate...haha. Yes folks, that's a mere 3 weeks away. When I got the phone call I felt, well, in shock. After so long of feeling like we were in a season of silence, it was hard to transition into believing that the journey in the wilderness is coming to an end. In fact, it still is hard to process.

Last week the Lord had me on a journey to break the idols I held over my heart regarding the adoption. He showed me how consumed my heart was with the idea of our baby to come, how consumed with the what ifs, wanting to see the whole thing play out, and with doubt that it would actually happen. He broke the yoke over me, and so when I got the call this week I was surprised to say the least. I have found that my emotions are way different than I expected. I feel a supernatural peace that the Lord's will will be done. It is a perplexing place to be when you know confidently that your baby will come home, and you think this might be your baby but you don't know until everything comes to pass.

We are scheduled to meet with the mom (and perhaps father) on Tuesday. It will be one year and one day since the Lord gave us the dream in our hearts to adopt now. I think it will seem much more real when we are able to meet her, connect with her, and start to form a relationship. When we see a woman with a hugely gravid abdomen that we can talk to, perhaps it will strike reality into our hearts that our sweet, longed for, anticipated baby girl is finally making her debut.

I feel incredibly casual. Perhaps it is the peace of God. Perhaps it is naivety as to how much my life is about to be turned upside down. The only thing I felt pressed to start preparing was my milk supply. I must admit that I loathe the breastpump. My zeal during the summer was quickly trampled by the contempt I held in my heart against that piece of machinery. Therefore, as I sat at work last night contemplating how my future may be shifting drastically sooner than I expected, it struck me that I have quite a bit of work to do if I want to minimize or eliminate our formula expenses. I came home to pump and low and behold, I was able to obtain 1.5 ounces. That doesn't sound like a lot to the average, non-lactating adult; however, it is a fantastic amount for not having induced a supply in any way in 5 months. In fact, it is more than I got in September. Now, I only need about 15x that to have a full supply, and I'm believing God for it! I've been incredibly parched for the last day. The only time in my life I remember feeling this way was right after Josiah was born and my body was beginning to make milk. I'm believing it is the same reason I feel this way now. Bring on the water, and bring on the milk! Oh yeah, and bring on the baby, too!