Day 7

Day 7...and this morning I got the call I had been dreading. She decided to parent. I have done a fairly good job holding myself together today. I dreaded calling my mom, though, because I can keep strong in front of everyone but her. I basically had to hang up on her before I lost it all together.

I feel very at peace despite everything, not because of the things going on around me but because I have set my heart on the goodness of God. I trust the plan He has for our family and that He knows far more than I do. I have spent quite a bit of time in Phillipians lately. It says, "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say rejoice." So I am rejoicing. I am rejoicing that the Lord knows my daughter by name. I am rejoicing that the things He has promised will come to pass. I am rejoicing that one day the baby I hold in my arms will be mine. I am rejoicing that through this journey the Lord is teaching me to hold my children with an open hand toward Him. I am rejoicing that He has given me a son that brings me great delight. I am also rejoicing that on February 23rd, he brought a beautiful baby girl into the world, and I think He has great plans for her.

I am amazed at how the Lord has stripped away every part of me and asked for full surrender and trust in His plan. My desire to bring our baby home in 2010, my desire for this baby to arrive on time, my desire to not have a 10th day on the weekend, my desire for the "limbo" to be quick if she was going to change her mind, my desire to not have a failed match. When He strips it all away--all the fluff and stipulations I had issued--only God remains. and He is still good. He is using it to teach me that I can face all of these things because I can do all things through Him who gives me strength (also in Phillipians).

I wish the best to the mother as she welcomes her baby girl home. I am glad that she had the freedom to make the decision she felt was best, and I trust that she did.

I look forward to the day I can share good news regarding the homecoming of our baby girl. Until then...back to the drawing board. And back to the store for a new blanket.